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my guess is that Sesame may literally have a savage, merciless, fuc-king blood hungry demon of hell inside of her…don’t believe me? then I suggest going back several pages to the part where she had that ominous nightmare of her village being destroyed.

Dante must die now.

You get the rifles. I’ll get the body bag.

I say we impale her

Got any spears?

Where was that speed when Dante had to throw punches, let alone make off with a sword that large?


but I have one question though…


Well Sesame, your sword WAS in your hands while you were fighting Dante, so I questioned why didn’t you just finish her off then? It won’t matter, nobody will miss Dante.

“Lets see you fight without this!” – Isn’t that what she just did? 😛

Fist to fist fighting with another Fera is one thing. Fighting giant monsters that could eat/stomp/burn/freeze or whatever variety of things monsters do is quite a different thing.

yeah it’d be if you went alone in a melee brawl, without ANY weapons or technology whatsoever…against Doomsday, The Hulk, Cthulu, Satan, The Blob, King Kong, The Beast from 20,000 fathoms, the Ymir from 20 million miles to earth, 50 rancors, 28 wampas, The Shark from Jaws, the T-Rex from Jurassic Park, the ghosts from Raiders of the Lost Ark, Bane on venom, Galactus, the Destroyer from Thor, every monster from Cabin in the Woods and friggin Godzilla all at once……YOU’D BE FRIGGIN’ PULVERIZED THOURGH HEAVEN AND ALL NINE CIRCLES OF THE INFERNO THAT IS HELL!!!!!

It would be interesting in Farron was one of Dante’s vendors, and bought Sesame’s sword back for her.

Well, she already had it when she met Farron (and got whooped by a critter), and she had it enchanted after they separated, so maybe it’ll happen.

I think it’s more likely Dante will go back to town and to the town’s ONLY weapon’s store (Mason’s uncle). Mason’s uncle may well recognize who put the enchantment on the sword.

Hmmm… Mason knows something (about Sesame’s sword?) he hasn’t told Sesame.

Could it be that once ‘no hand’ holds the sword’s hilt, it will return to its sheath (which Sesame still has).

Dante, The Smooth Criminal!
So the conversation about not being able to fight without a weapon, was only to perform a feint, disarm Sesame, pretending to be losing and stealing his sword?? Genius!
Well, rogues always use of cleverness, dexterity and cheating! And that’s why they’re so loved!

I don’t mean to be a harsh critic but I am having a hard time connecting with the Sesame’s emotion when she had her sword stolen. I think it is due to the pacing. There’s just too much going on in a single page to let the impact of getting her sword stolen sink in. I see what’s happening but it went by so quickly that the emotional impact is significantly reduced.

I think it would have been better if you broke this page up into two separate pages so that there would be more of a dramatic moment and emotional impact when she dropped down to her knees after her sword got stolen. It would also be easier on the eyes and control the reader’s pace.

ok, I think I’ve gotten the voices for the characters determined.

Sesame: Olivia Olson or someone with a voice like that of Jennifer Lawrence (you’re right phuufy. that voice does seem to fit)

Kibbles: Tara Strong

Claire: Hynden Walch

Kylar: Simon Pegg or someone with a voice like that

Mason: Elijah wood or Johnny Yong Bosch

Dante: Grey Delisle

Farron: Nolan North

Valmont: Rainn Wilson